Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
