I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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