Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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