I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize