Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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