...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
