omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
