Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
