You're a womanizer and a bitch.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
