Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
