we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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