he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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