I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
