you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
