I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
