I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
