Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
