peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
