I think scott just propositioned me for sex
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
