I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
