Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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