I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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