the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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