The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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