Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
