Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
