you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize