genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
