you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
