Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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