i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
