i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
