i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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