There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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