I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
