So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
