I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
