The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
