Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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