so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
