she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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