i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
