i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
