All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He shit in the fireplace
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
