Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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