we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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