i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
