I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
