I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
