Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
