I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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