Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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