ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dick very happy bro
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
