ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My dick has a subreddit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
