saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
