We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
