Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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