so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
