Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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