i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
