i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
