you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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