Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Damn victory sex feels great
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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