i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
