dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
