Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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