she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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