party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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