Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
