Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize