i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
