She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
