dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
