i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
