It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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