Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
