i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
