Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How naked do you want me to be?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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