I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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