So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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