he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize