Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
