If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
