OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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