the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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