Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
