So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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