I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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