my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You ate ashes out of my bong
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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