Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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