areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
