My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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