i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
