chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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