Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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