ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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