im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
