do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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