my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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