I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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