Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
