i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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