It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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