my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize