You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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