you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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