I accidentally had phone sex last night
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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