areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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