I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
