so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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